From time to time, during my translation work I encountered work which either : a) needs a total rewrite to fit the context, or b) direct translation can cause misunderstanding or confusion.
One of the example I encountered recently was below:
“I wanted to modernise Britain so that, while retaining pride in having worn the mantle of the world’s most powerful nation as the twentieth century began, it didn’t feel bereft and in decline as the twenty-first century arrived, because that mantle would no longer fit.”
This is a quote from the foreward of Tony Blaire’s autobiography “A journey: My Political Life”.
The Chinese Translation I read was as follows:
“我想改革英国，使它保留20世纪初、身披世界最强大帝国斗篷的骄傲，同时，面对21世纪的到来，不会由于那件斗篷不再合身而自觉衰落和衰退。”
For my bilingual friends, can you detect any problem? Let me translate the Chinese translation back, together with a new shades of connotation it acquired after the translation:
“I wanted to modernise Britain so that it retains its pride in having worn the mantle of the world’s most powerful nation as the twentieth century began, and at the same time, it won’t feel bereft and in decline as the twenty-first century arrived because that mantle will no longer fit.”
Compare this with the original quote, and it seems like the second quote took on a connotation of Tony Blaire trying to maintain that imperial mantle, instead of the original connotation of adapting with time. In fact, the article where I encountered this quote (which is written in Chinese), interpreted this quote in the second connotation.
So how would I translate the original quote?
“我想改革英国，使它保留20世纪初、身披世界最强大帝国斗篷的骄傲，同时，在21世纪的到来而那件斗篷不再合身以后，不会自觉衰落和衰退。”
The “以后” is what was missing in the original translation, but it’s important for the connotation of this quote. Because when Tony Blaire said “the mantle no longer fits”, he stated it as factual and with finality. Without translating this layer of finality with a time token, the translation could be interpreted in both ways: Britain trying to retain its former glory, or Britain accept the loss of its former glory but try to adapt and retain its national identity. By adding the time token and reordering the sentence, I gave the translation the original connotation of finality.
In defence of the original translator, it is difficult to detect such addition of meaning during first pass translation, especially if it was proofread by the same person, because the translator would still be reading this sentence within the original English context, and wouldn’t detect the added connotation.
That is why it is always a good idea to hire another proofreader, especially for sensitive material which you want to avoid misunderstanding.
If you have any phrase or sentence or short paragraph you would like me to vet, or are simply curious how I would translate it please feel free to email me or post them in the comment. I will response to them.